Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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