10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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