New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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