I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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