I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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