so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
