May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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