One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
