woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
