And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
