Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
