He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
