Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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