So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
