Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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