there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
