I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
