So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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