In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry about my life...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
