You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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