Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
