I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Floor bacon is actually really good
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
