when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
