i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
