No awkward lesbian experiences without me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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