It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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