Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
