and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
