Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
