So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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