Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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