babies were throwing up all over the place
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
