They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
