last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
