You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
