I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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