I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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