Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
