Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
