They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
