Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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