How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
