OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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