im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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