The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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