dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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