i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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