pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
