Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
