I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
