Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
