shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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