...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize