She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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