so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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