how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize