You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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