We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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