why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
