You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
