shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
