You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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