How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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