I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
