He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How external is "for external use only"?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
