the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
