When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
