please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
