four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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