I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
