I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize