Already got asked if we're dating
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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