We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
