Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
