I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
